July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day
July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day
July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day
July 8 is Video Games Day
July 14 is National Nude Day
July 16 is International Juggling Day
July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day
July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day
July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day
July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
[For the rest of the list go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]
July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day
July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day
July 8 is Video Games Day
July 14 is National Nude Day
July 16 is International Juggling Day
July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day
July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day
July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day
July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
[For the rest of the list go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]
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[Taken From the MIT Course Evaluation Guide]
"This class was a religious experience for me. I had to take it all on faith."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course. I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
"Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions-- no way to stop it."
"Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."
"This class was a religious experience for me. I had to take it all on faith."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course. I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
"Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions-- no way to stop it."
"Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."
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Here are some of the questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
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[courtesy of netscape.com]
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Our church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
On a church bulletin during a minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national prayer and fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Barbara's in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Our church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
On a church bulletin during a minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national prayer and fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Barbara's in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
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"He makes George Bush seem like a personality" - Jackie Mason on John Major.
"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing" - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee.
"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it." - A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
"He could not see a belt without hitting below it." - Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.
"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge." - U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.
"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." - U.S. writer Norman Cousins.
"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." - former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus." - Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.
"Harry Truman proves that old adage that any man can become President of the United States." - U.S. politician Norman Thomas.
"A shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Harold Wilson on Edward Heath.
"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing" - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee.
"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it." - A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
"He could not see a belt without hitting below it." - Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.
"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge." - U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.
"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." - U.S. writer Norman Cousins.
"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." - former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus." - Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.
"Harry Truman proves that old adage that any man can become President of the United States." - U.S. politician Norman Thomas.
"A shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Harold Wilson on Edward Heath.
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The Loving Cup bra of 1979 featured a tiny electronic circuit which signaled when it was safe for sex. Its lights flashed red or green indicating whether sex could result in pregnancy.
In 1992, a Somerset man created a water-filled double-D cup bra. He said that the wearer should add wallpaper paste for an even firmer frontage.
A new bra on the market was made of hologrammatic fibers, the surface of which creates a 3D impression to make the breasts appear a better shape.
Designer Andre Van Pier created a bra that was adorned with 3,250 diamonds.
Madonna's famous 'Bullet Bra,' worn during her Blonde Ambition tour of 1990, was based on an antique breastplate worn by Italian soldiers.
There are also plans to introduce a mirrored bra and one filled with insect repellent to keep pesky mosquitoes at bay.
From Paris in the 1980s came the Joli'bust, a self-adhesive bra consisting of nothing more than two shaped pieces of sticky plastic fixed beneath the breasts to show off the curves.
In 1992, a Somerset man created a water-filled double-D cup bra. He said that the wearer should add wallpaper paste for an even firmer frontage.
A new bra on the market was made of hologrammatic fibers, the surface of which creates a 3D impression to make the breasts appear a better shape.
Designer Andre Van Pier created a bra that was adorned with 3,250 diamonds.
Madonna's famous 'Bullet Bra,' worn during her Blonde Ambition tour of 1990, was based on an antique breastplate worn by Italian soldiers.
There are also plans to introduce a mirrored bra and one filled with insect repellent to keep pesky mosquitoes at bay.
From Paris in the 1980s came the Joli'bust, a self-adhesive bra consisting of nothing more than two shaped pieces of sticky plastic fixed beneath the breasts to show off the curves.
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June 4 is Old Maid's Day
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
June 18 is International Panic Day
June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day
June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day
June 29 is Camera Day
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
June 18 is International Panic Day
June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day
June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day
June 29 is Camera Day
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February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 13 is Get A Different Name Day
February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 27 is International Polar Bear Day
February 28 is Public Sleeping Day
For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 13 is Get A Different Name Day
February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 27 is International Polar Bear Day
February 28 is Public Sleeping Day
For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com
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