ALISO VIEJO, Calif. - Concerned city officials considered banning foam cups after learning that the "dangerous" chemical dihydrogen monoxide was used in their production. Then the red-faced officials learned that dihydrogen monoxide, or H2O for short, is the scientific term for water. "It's embarrassing," said City Manager David J. Norman. "We had a paralegal who did bad research." The paralegal believed information posted on an official looking Web site that described dihydrogen monoxide as "an odorless, tasteless chemical" that can be deadly if inhaled. The City Council had planned to vote next week on a proposed law that would have prohibited the use of foam cups at city-sponsored events. The measure has since been pulled from the agenda.

[Courtesy of netscape.com]

Looking for third-degree-burned beauties to satisfy my growing fetish for wrinkled skin. Have tried elderly women and bathtub babes, but now only skin grafts get me going.

I've got issues; you've got the cure. I need lots of time on the couch; you need a sympathetic ear and board certification. Must not charge by the hour.

Petite mountaineeress seeks tall female for climbing. If you're under 6 feet tall, averse to ropes, or wary of long expeditions, don't apply.

Single female who enjoys interpretive dance, wearing black clothing, and drinking herbal tea seeks standoffish, analytical wimp to create Jell-O sculptures and ballroom dance in my living room.

Thirty-five-year-old doctor who wants to finally meet a woman with true inner beauty. Outward appearance not a factor. Please send X-rays.

You have brown hair and green eyes, with a mole on your left cheek. I watch you from behind the bushes with my binoculars.
Don't bother to respond; I already know where you live.

Former scientist in search of test subject for study on the line between pleasure and pain, ecstasy and excruciation. Those with high pain thresholds ineligible.

Born-again female Pentecostal seeks male acolyte for meaningful relationship and serpent handling. Speaking in tongues a plus! God-fearing applicants only.

PANCHPARA, India - In order to better care for his 80-year-old grandmother, a 25-year-old Indian man decided to marry her. "I felt she needed extra care as she is old. I can look after her better as a husband than as a grandson," Narayan Biswas told Reuters. His grandmother, Premodas Biswas, is "happy" with her new hubby whom she married in a traditional Hindu ceremony. Her first husband passed away over 30 years ago. "I helped bring him up with my own hands and now he looks after me. He is a good husband and ensures I get my meals on time," she said. Local officials say that marrying a blood relative is illegal under the Hindu Marriage Act, but have no plans as of now to take action
against the odd couple since there have been no complaints against them.

Men stopping at the john in the Virgin Airways Clubhouse in New York's John F. Kennedy airport, terminal 4, are in for a little surprise - urinals shaped like a woman's mouth, complete with bright red lipstick, wide open and ready for business. "In anything that we do there has to be a smile, and that’s the smile in this Clubhouse," said John Riordan, Vice President of Customer Services for Virgin Airways. The Netherlands based company Bathroom Mania designed the urinals, which are appropriately called Kisses. "Kisses - the sexy urinal, makes a daily event a blushing experience!
This is one target men will never miss!," said the Bathroom Mania team via e-mail from the Netherlands. Bathroom Mania's other designs include the Good Morning Sunshine flower potty, and the Splish Splash bathtub shaped like a hammock.

Next month Florida will be graced with the world's first Christian nudist colony. Complete with a hotel, 500 homes, a water-slide park and a non-denominational 'clothing optional' church, the colony, called Natura, will be a place for those Christians who wish to wear only what God gave them. Co-founder Bill Martin, who's a Quaker, said, "Depending on the version of the Bible you use, there are as many as 40 passages that refer to nudity. In Isaiah 20.2, God tells Isaiah to go into the wilderness naked for three
years. So there's historical basis for a Christian nudist lifestyle."

'Arthur Kitchener was seriously burned Saturday afternoon when he came in contact with a high voltage wife.' (Surrey paper).

'For sale. Lovely rosewood piano. Owner going abroad with beautiful twisted legs.' (North Wales Advertiser).

'PARKYNS - to the memory of Mr. Parkyns, passed away September 10. Peace at last. From all the neighbours of Princes Avenue.' (Leicester Mercury).

'Fire broke out on the prairie near the C.P.R. viaduct on Monday evening but the blaze was extinguished before damage could be done by the local fire brigade.' (Canadian paper).

'If the motion were passed, no strike action would be taken by NALGO without a ballet of all its members.' (Bristol Evening Post).

'Complete home for sale; two double, one single bed, diningroom threepiece suite, wireless, television, carpets, lion, etc.' (Portsmouth News).

'Wrap poison bottles in sandpaper and fasten with scotch tape or a rubber band. If there are children in the house, lock them in a small metal box.' (Philadelphia Record).

'At the fair they will be exhibiting a full range of shoes for girls with low-cut fancy uppers.' (Leicester Mercury).

'A heavy pall of lust covered the upper two-thirds of Texas last night and was expected to drift south-east over the state by morning.' (Yankton Press).

You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.

Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.

In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch.

In New Brunswick, driving on the roads is not allowed.

In Montreal, you may not swear in French.

Also in Montreal, citizens may not relieve themselves or spit on the street. Punishable by a fine of over 100 Canadian dollars.

In Beaconsfield, it is considered an offense to have more than two colors of paint on your house.

In Toronto, you can't drag a dead horse down Yonge St. on a Sunday.

The city of Guelph is classified as a no-pee zone.

The Sphinx cat, bred from a Canadian mutation, is virtually hairless and has a damaged spine which results in a hopping walk.

The crop pigeon is bred with an over-sized crop and absurdly long feathers on its feet. The crop can't be cleaned naturally and the bird finds walking difficult.

Position canaries are bred to resemble the figures 1 and 7. Parts of their bodies are featherless and their overstretched tendons mean they shift continually from foot to foot.

The munchkin cat has short hind legs and three-inch front legs. It can barely jump, can't groom itself and suffers from premature aging of its long spine.

A German breed of lop-eared rabbit has ears as long as its body, making walking difficult.

Persian cats are bred to have 'piggy' faces. The nose is little more than a stump.

The shar pei, a dog designed in the U.S. from a Chinese strain, is bred for its wrinkles.

Mutant goldfish are deliberately bred with large growths on their faces.

Gotmaar Festival (India, September) - On the day after the September full moon, the 45,000 residents of Pandhura divide themselves into two groups and hurl rocks at each other until sunset when the fighting ends.

Moose-Dropping Festival (Alaska, July) - The town of Talkeetna is host to an annual celebration of moose-droppings.
Stalls sell jewelry and assorted knick-knacks made from moose-droppings. The highlight of the celebration is the moose-dropping-throwing competition, where competitors throw gold-painted moose-droppings into a target area.

Cheese-Rolling (U.K., May) - At 6 p.m. on Spring Bank Holiday Monday, local youths line up at the top of the hill alongside a 7 pound circular Double Gloucester cheese. When the cheese is released, the competitors hurtle down the hill in an attempt to catch it before it reaches the bottom.

Grandmother's Festival (Norway, July) - First held at Bodo in 1992, the festival sees grannies riding motorbikes, racehorses, skydiving and scuba-diving. The star of the inaugural event was 79-year-old Elida Anderson who became the world's oldest bungee jumper.

La Tomatina (Spain) - This festival dates back to 1944 when the fair at Bunol was ruined by hooligans hurling tomatoes at the procession. Now each year the town stages a 90-minute mass fight with 190,000 pounds of ripe tomatoes.

Running of the Sheep (U.S., September) - Reedpoint, Montana, stages a gentle alternative to Spain's famous Running of the Bulls. Each September hundreds of sheep charge down Main Street for six blocks. Contests are held for the ugliest sheep and prettiest ewe while shepherds assemble to recite poetry.

NICE, France - A Frenchwoman became both bride and widow during a wedding ceremony in which she married her dead boyfriend. Dressed in a black suit, Christelle Demichel tied the knot with the deceased groom, a former policeman identified as Eric, who was killed by a drunk driver in September 2002. Demichel told LCI television she understood "it could seem shocking to marry someone who is dead," but her feelings for him had not diminished. His body was not present for the ceremony. A marriage like this is legal if the living spouse can prove the couple had planned to marry before the other died. The exchange of vows received authorization from President Jacques Chirac. The ceremony was performed Tuesday at Nice City Hall on the French Riviera.