The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning
signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers
about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any
alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you
to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off
and wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you
to tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to assault you.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause
you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you
to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create
the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and
smarter than some really, really big guy named
Psycho Bob.