Suffolk County police say Arthur Dalke, 34, of Long Island,
N.Y., nearly backed his car into a police cruiser -- which
wouldn't have been so bad if the man hadn't had seven drunken
driving convictions under his belt. Officer Anthony Dieguez
told the New York Post Dalke was driving slowly in reverse
while chatting with a pedestrian, paying no attention to on-
coming traffic -- or the officer's squad. When Dieguez tried
to apprehend Dalke, he sped away, allegedly pulled into a
parking lot, slid into the passenger seat, tossed his car
keys out the window and denied ever driving the vehicle.

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - He only goes by his vampire name,
Lunadam, but he tells the Grand Rapids Press he's the real
thing and there are many more like him -- unfortunately not
in Grand Rapids. "It's not something that you go, 'Hey, by the
way, I'm a vampire,'" says the 34-year-old divorced father.
For most vampires, it's difficult to meet up with other
vampires and juggle jobs, families and responsibilities. The
Vampire Research Center in Babylon, N.Y., believes there up
to 1,200 real, blood-sucking vampires worldwide, some 300 in
North America and 10 or 12 in Michigan, the paper reported.
Spokesman Joel Martin says: "I'm not saying Grand Rapids is
a hick town, but it's small enough that it's hard to find other
members of this subculture. (But) if you can't find a vampire
in Los Angeles, my God, something's wrong with you."

FORT COLLINS, Colo. - As if teenagers weren't branded enough
these days as being degenerate and stupid with stories about
Jackass stunts gone wrong. This time, charges have been filed
against a Colorado teenager accused of attacking bicyclists.
Termed "bicycle boxing," the teen and a couple of friends would
drive behind unsuspecting bicyclists and hit them with a base-
ball bat. Authorities said a 17-year-old boy has been charged
with second-degree assault, reckless endangerment and underage
consumption of alcohol. Hopefully he can be sent to big boy
jail where he gets to play another fun game called "Hide the
Prison Sausage".

ENGLAND - If you just so happen to catch yourself a painful
case of hemorrhoids, one way not recommended by physicians
to relieve the itching is by sticking a toothbrush up there.
A 69-year-old man thought that shoving the bristly appendage
up his rectum would soothe his pain. Unfortunately, what
resulted was a trip to the hospital and a procedure involving
biopsy forceps after x-rays revealed that the toothbrush had
become stuck in the man's pelvis. So remember: Brushing
regularly will prevent cavities, but brushing anal cavities
will cause irregularities.

MICHIGAN - Many will agree that the punishment should always
fit the crime. However, it's a nice consolation when the names
fits instead. Shuo-Shan Wang is heading to court after he
botched a voluntary castration on his kitchen table. Wang per-
formed the procedure on a 48-year-old man who requested the
services of the unlicensed surgeon. Police said the castrated
man began bleeding uncontrollably, his jeans completely soaked
as he sat on a curb. They later found the man's testicles in
a jar in Wang's refrigerator. In this case, should the punish-
ment fit the crime, the prison system will have one Wang with
no balls.

There are 318,979,564,000 possible ways of playing just
the first four moves on each side in a game of chess.

In the 1970 Census, the U.S. had 2,983 men who were already
widowers at the age of foureen and 289 women, also at four-
teen, who had already been widowed or divorced.

The second moste numerous of living things are mollusks -
soft bodied animals with hard shells.

The total population of the Earth at the time of Julius
Caesar was 150 million. The total population increase in
two years on Earth today is 150 million.

People who have never married are 7.5 times more likely to
be hospitalized in a state or community psychiatric facil-
ity than those who married.

[Thanks to Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts]