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bizzare
An Italian stripper, Gina Lalapola, was found dead inside a cake she was supposed to leap from at a bachelor party in Cosenza in 1995. She had suffocated inside the sealed wooden cake.

The Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones once admitted ejaculating into a French bread roll and feeding it to fellow band member Glen Matlock as mayonnaise.

In 1997 a couple from Carlisle, Craig Wilde and Simone Rooney, found a six-inch bloodstained hypodermic needle inside a half-eaten loaf purchased from a local supermarket.

German scientists involved in car safety research at the University of Heidelberg routinely use human crash test dummies, including the corpses of children.

When the mistress of the nineteenth-century French novelist Eugene Sue died, she willed him her skin, with instructions that he should bind a book with it. He did.

The holy Roman Emperor Henry VI liked to cheer up his troops by having nuns stripped, then smeared with honey, then decorated with feathers and sent on horseback through the ranks of cheering men.

A man from Silver Spring, Maryland became infected with rabies in 1996 and admitted to having sex with a diseased raccoon. He was charged with animal cruelty.

Middle Eastern cave paintings reveal that men once believed sex with female crocodiles would bring success in life.

bizzare
The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly.

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.

Where there’s a will, I’m in the way.

If this sticker is getting smaller, the light is probably green.

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

Before giving someone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare!

Blow your nose, your horn works fine.

Condoms are easier to change than diapers!

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Sex is a misdemeanor...the more I miss it, the meaner I get!

bizzare
When antelopes become excited and leap vertically into the air, it is called "pronking."

The average human bladder can hold 13 ounces of fluid.

There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of the Empire State building.

When in the shower, 75 percent of people wash from top to bottom.

In poker, a pair of Queens is also referred to as a "Seigfried & Roy."

The average American looks at eight houses before buying one.

The army controlled by the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz were called the Winkies.

The average American has $104 in their wallet.

The foreign city Americans visit most is Tijuana.

bizzare
[Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show "Family Feud."]

Q: Name something a blind person might use:
A: A sword.

Q: Name a song with moon in the title:
A: Blue Suede Moon.

Q: Name a bird with a long neck:
A: A penguin.

Q: Name an occupation where you need a torch:
A: A burglar.

Q: Name something you wear on the beach:
A: A deck chair.

Q: Name something red:
A: My cardigan.

Q: Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers:
A: A horse.

Q: Name a number you have to memorize:
A: Seven.

Q: Name something you put on walls:
A: Roofs.

Q: Name something that doesn't have an engine:
A: Dishes.

Q: Name something you might be allergic to:
A: Skiing.

Q: Name a non-living object with legs:
A: A plant.

Q: Name a part of the body beginning with "n":
A: Knee.

bizzare
There is no evidence that Betsy Ross sewed the first U.S. flag. The story didn't even flutter forth from her relatives until 1870.

George Washington did not toss a dollar across the Potomac. Even if he did toss something, the dollar didn't come into being until after the U.S. gained independence.

Francis Scott Key did not write our national anthem. He penned the words then set them to an old English drinking song. It did not become our national anthem until 1931.

Most of the midnight ride of Paul Revere was accomplished by other horsemen. It was Samuel Prescott, in fact, who carried the warning to Concord.

The Declaration of Independence was not approved on July 4, 1776. Only John Hancock, for the assembly, signed it that day. The other signatures were made on August 2.

George Washington wasn't the first U.S. President. John Hanson was the president of the Congress of the Confederation and carried the title of president of the U.S., as did eight men after him.

"Yankee Doodle" is not an American song. It was a British ditty designed to harass ragtag colonists during the French and Indian War.

bizzare
July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day

July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day

July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day

July 8 is Video Games Day

July 14 is National Nude Day

July 16 is International Juggling Day

July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day

July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day

July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day

July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day

[For the rest of the list go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]

bizzare
[Taken From the MIT Course Evaluation Guide]

"This class was a religious experience for me. I had to take it all on faith."

"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels They've got a cool nest in the tree."

"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"TA steadily improved throughout the course. I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."

"Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."

"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions-- no way to stop it."

"Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"

"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."

"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."

bizzare
Here are some of the questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

bizzare
As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

bizzare
[courtesy of netscape.com]

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

Our church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

On a church bulletin during a minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national prayer and fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Barbara's in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

bizzare
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

bizzare
"He makes George Bush seem like a personality" - Jackie Mason on John Major.

"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing" - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee.

"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it." - A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.

"He could not see a belt without hitting below it." - Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.

"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge." - U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.

"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." - U.S. writer Norman Cousins.

"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." - former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.

"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus." - Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.

"Harry Truman proves that old adage that any man can become President of the United States." - U.S. politician Norman Thomas.

"A shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Harold Wilson on Edward Heath.

bizzare
The Loving Cup bra of 1979 featured a tiny electronic circuit which signaled when it was safe for sex. Its lights flashed red or green indicating whether sex could result in pregnancy.

In 1992, a Somerset man created a water-filled double-D cup bra. He said that the wearer should add wallpaper paste for an even firmer frontage.

A new bra on the market was made of hologrammatic fibers, the surface of which creates a 3D impression to make the breasts appear a better shape.

Designer Andre Van Pier created a bra that was adorned with 3,250 diamonds.

Madonna's famous 'Bullet Bra,' worn during her Blonde Ambition tour of 1990, was based on an antique breastplate worn by Italian soldiers.

There are also plans to introduce a mirrored bra and one filled with insect repellent to keep pesky mosquitoes at bay.

From Paris in the 1980s came the Joli'bust, a self-adhesive bra consisting of nothing more than two shaped pieces of sticky plastic fixed beneath the breasts to show off the curves.

bizzare
June 4 is Old Maid's Day

June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day

June 8 is Name Your Poison Day

June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day

June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

June 18 is International Panic Day

June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day

June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day

June 25 is Log Cabin Day

June 29 is Camera Day

bizzare
February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day

February 6 is Lame Duck Day

February 8 is Kite Flying Day

February 13 is Get A Different Name Day

February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day

February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day

February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day

February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

February 27 is International Polar Bear Day

February 28 is Public Sleeping Day

For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com

bizzare
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef, $2.25; Children, $2.00.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale -- eight puppies from a German Shepard and an Alaskan Hussy.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit one.

For rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Christmas-tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Fr, 08.03.2019, 09:39