Carl Wiley, 36, on trial in Lubbock, Texas, for aggravated assault, couldn't keep his mouth shut. Ignoring orders from the judge -- and his own mother -- to be quiet, Wiley ranted for at least 20 minutes. "The judge gave him lots of leeway," said the prosecutor, but "he continually bad-mouthed and mouthed off to the judge" and his own lawyer. Finally, District Judge Jim Bob Darnell had enough and ordered deputies to use duct tape to seal Wiley's mouth closed. (Lubbock Avalanche-Journal)
Finally: a good use for all the rolls of duct tape everyone bought.

Die "Falschmeldungen" aus dem Internet sind nicht immer wirklich lustig. Gefälschte Virenwarnungen verunsichern Computeruser/innen und veranlassen sie beispielsweise dazu Systemdateien, die aufgrund des Hoaxes fälschlicherweise für Viren gehalten werden, zu löschen. Hier gibt}s die Besten im
Hoax Museum
Gefunden in der sms.at Newsletter

ATM :	Alle Tanzen Mit
	All Terrible Mistakes
CISCO:	Can't Integrate Switches Can't Organize
FTP:	Fuck That Product
ISDN:	Ich Sehe Deine Nummer
	I Smell dollars Now
	Is Sowas Denn Nötig
IP:	Irrelevante Performance
PLC:	Peinliches Leitungs Chaos
SAP:	SanduhrenAnzeigen Programm
SIEMENS:	Sieben Ingeneure Entwickeln Mit Eifer Nichts Sinnvolles
SNMP:	Suche Noch Mehr Personal
TCP/IP:	Trotz Cola Probier Ich Pepsi
VPN:	Vielfach Propagierter Nonsens
WWW:	World Wide Wait

NAIROBI - Sometimes, you just have to step back and say, "Hey,
it's gone." This would have been helpful advice for three
Kenyans who lost their lives trying to retrieve a mobile phone
that slipped down an open-pit latrine while the owner was
answering her own call from nature. For some reason, the owner
still wanted her phone back, so she offered 1,000 shillings
($13.09) to anyone who would recover it for her. Seeing as how
well over half the Kenyan population of 30 million people lives
on less than $1 a day, three men were more than happy to accept
the offer. Unfortunately, it took three men's lives before
police held others back from attempting the rescue. If the
phone didn't get crappy reception before, it does now.

NORWAY - After an accident that causes severe damage to your
car, the next step is to inform your insurance agency of the
incident. However, the situation was a little harder for a
couple who had their vehicle wrecked when a moose fell on the
roof of their Mazda. Leo Henriksen and his wife were enjoying
a leisurely Sunday drive when a 770-pound moose fell off a
cliff and landed on the couple's tiny red vehicle. Adding
insult to injury, on top of losing their car, the couple had
just lost their home in a fire in mid-January. Odds are that
the two won't be flipping channels to catch an episode of
Rocky and Bullwinkle any time soon.

FORT WORTH, Texas - Here's a good idea for revenge on that jerk
of a judge who just sentenced you to eight years in prison:
moon him. Oh wait, that's a completely asinine idea... never-
mind. Ray Mason, perhaps thinking showing the judge his bare
ass is worth an extra half of a year in the can, was held in
contempt by Judge Jim Parsons for his idiotic stunt. About 70
other people were in the courtroom at the time to witness Mason
tack on a few more months to his sentencing, originally for
a count of aggravated assault he pled guilty to. Said the now
psychologically scarred judge, "I've been practicing criminal
law for well over 20 years... This is the first time anything
like that has happened." Unfortunately for Mason, six seconds
of rear exposure will cost him six months of the same to a
less-friendly audience.

MELBOURNE, Australia - Having a funny name can bring about
ridicule and snickers from just about every direction,
especially for school children. However, most would think that
once a man has grown up into his late 50s and has his name on
valid banking and medical records, as well as his drivers
license, nomenclature problems would subside. Unfortunately
for Prime Minister John Piss The Family Court and Legal Aid,
this is not the case. Prime Minister Piss ran into trouble
when he decided to go international with his unique moniker.
He was denied by the Melbourne office of Passports Australia,
who claimed the name could reasonably be considered to be
offensive because it contained an expletive and a title not
legitimately acquired. Needless to say, PM Piss was a bit
P.O.'d.

BERLIN, Germany - The next time your kids ask you to take them
to Disneyland, tell them you've got some place better in mind.
A Berlin company is planning to build a theme park that revives
life behind the Iron Curtain for Communist East Germany. The
communist theme park would be a 107,600-square foot replica
of East Germany, complete with surly border guards, rigorous
customs inspections, authentic East German mark notes, and
restaurants with regulation bland East German food. Spokes-
persons for the park feel the communist regime was an important
part of Germany's history and it should be recreated as
accurately as possible. Though the park should fill you with
excitement all day long, beware of long lines for food and
bathroom needs.

LONDON - If someone's had a little too much to drink, it's a
good idea to take away their car keys and cut them off from
any more beverages. And, if he didn't take his car, make sure
to snag his bulldozer keys from him then. The owner of a
historic village pub pleaded guilty today to demolishing part
of the building with a bulldozer, reportedly after staff
refused to serve him a drink after hours. News reports said
it will cost up to $112,000 to repair the damage. It seems that
the customers weren't the only ones who got plowed that night.

PENNSYLVANIA - It's not uncommon to find a road closed due to
construction, flooding or if a bridge is out. However, five
miles of road will be closed in Pennsylvania for quite a
different reason: procreation. The paved path that passes
through the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area will
be blocked off so salamanders, frogs and other amphibians can
get it on without being run over. The park service says it will
periodically close River Road when it rains at night so the
creatures can slither their way across the road to wetlands
where they mate. So if the sign is a-blockin', don't come a-
knockin'.

LINCOLNTON, N.C. - Don't you just hate it when those punk kids
from the neighborhood make their way into your backyard and
dive into your swimming pool without asking? If this has ever
happened to you, then you can imagine how annoying it must have
been for Paul and Virginia Rhyne when they discovered their
neighbor's horse in their swimmin' hole. As the couple was
preparing breakfast on Sunday morning, their grandson and his
friends found Hickory, a 10-year-old Tennessee Walking Horse,
in the cold water. With firemen and about 50 volunteer rescuers
from the neighborhood, Hickory was lifted out of the pool. The
latest news on the wandering horse is that she is doing well
and in 'stable' condition.

.JAR

Java ARchive compressed file
Java Development Kit 1.2 -- JAR Guide

.JAVA

Java source code file
Java home page

.JPG, .JPEG

Joint Photographic Experts Group image file
JPEG home page

.JS

JavaScript source file
Netscape's JavaScript Reference

.LA, .LMA

Netscape packetized audio file

.MID, .MIDI

Musical Instrument Digital Interface music file

.MOV, .QT

QuickTime MOVie multimedia file
QuickTime

.MPG, .MPEG, .MP2, .MP3

Moving Picture Experts Group multimedia file
MPEG Pointers and Resources

.PCX

Zsoft paintbrush image file

.PDF

adobe acrobat Portable Document File
Adobe Acrobat

.PL, .PLX

PerL script file
Perl home page

.PNG

Portable Network Graphics image file
Portable Network Graphics home page

.POV

Persistance of Vision Ray tracer picture file
POV-Ray - the Persistence of Vision Raytracer

.PPM

Portable PixelMap image file

.PS

adobe acrobat PostScript document file
Adobe Systems Inc.

.RA, .RAM, .RM

Real Audio multimedia file
RealNetworks, The Home of RealAudio, RealVideo and RealFlash

.REG

Windows REGistry entries file
Microsoft Windows

.RTF

Rich Text Format document file
Microsoft Windows

.TGA

Truevision TarGA image file

.TIF, .TIFF

Tagged Image File Format image file

.TXT

plain TeXT file

.WAV

Wave sound file
Microsoft Windows

.WRI

Windows WRIte format document file
Microsoft Windows

.WRL, .VRML

Virtual Reality Modeling Language file
The VRML Consortium

.XBM

X BitMap image file

.XML

eXtensible Markup Language file
Extensible Markup Language

.ZIP

PKZIP compressed file
PKWARE Inc.

.ARJ

ARJ compressed file
ARJ file archiver, ARJ Software, Inc.

.ASF, .ASX

Active Streaming Format multimedia file
Microsoft Internet Information Server

.ASP

Active Server Page script file
Microsoft Internet Information Server

.AU

AUdio sound file

.AVI

Windows video clip multimedia file
Microsoft Windows

.BMP

OS/2 or Windows BitMAP image file

.CAB

Windows CABinet compressed file
Microsoft Windows

.CDF

Channel Definition File

.CDR

CorelDRaw drawing file
Corel Corporation homepage

.CFM

Cold Fusion script file
Allaire Corp. -- Cold Fusion

.CGI

Common Gateway Interface script/program file
The Common Gateway Interface

.CLASS

Java compiled byte-code applet/program file
Java home page

.CMX

Corel clipart image file

.CSS

Cascading Style Sheet markup file
W3C -- Web Style Sheets

.CSV

Comma Separated Value text file

.DHTML

Dynamic HyperText Markup Language file

.DIR, .DXR, .DCR

Director multimedia file
Macromedia Director

.DLL

Windows Dynamic Link Library program file
Microsoft Windows

.DOC

Microsoft Word DOCument file
Microsoft Word

.EXE

EXEcutable program file
Intel

.GIF

Graphics Interchange Format image file

.GZ, .GZIP

Gnu Zip compressed file
GNU zip

.HQX

Macintosh compressed file

.HTM, .HTML

HyperText Markup Language file
W3C- HyperText Markup Language

.HTX

Internet database connector HTML template file

.IDC

Internet Database Connector script file

.IMG

GEM paint image file

"Strine" -- Australian slang -- is invading American speech,
says
Tom Dalzell, the author of two books on U.S. slang. Thanks to more
Australian movies and TV shows becoming hits in America, not to
mention
the 2000 Olympics, terms such as "no worries", "agro" (aggravated),
"walkabout" and "crikey" (exclamation of surprise) are being heard in
the States more frequently. (Brisbane Courier-Mail) ...That's shonky!
If that drongo thinks the trend is new, he's berko.

Suffolk County police say Arthur Dalke, 34, of Long Island,
N.Y., nearly backed his car into a police cruiser -- which
wouldn't have been so bad if the man hadn't had seven drunken
driving convictions under his belt. Officer Anthony Dieguez
told the New York Post Dalke was driving slowly in reverse
while chatting with a pedestrian, paying no attention to on-
coming traffic -- or the officer's squad. When Dieguez tried
to apprehend Dalke, he sped away, allegedly pulled into a
parking lot, slid into the passenger seat, tossed his car
keys out the window and denied ever driving the vehicle.

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - He only goes by his vampire name,
Lunadam, but he tells the Grand Rapids Press he's the real
thing and there are many more like him -- unfortunately not
in Grand Rapids. "It's not something that you go, 'Hey, by the
way, I'm a vampire,'" says the 34-year-old divorced father.
For most vampires, it's difficult to meet up with other
vampires and juggle jobs, families and responsibilities. The
Vampire Research Center in Babylon, N.Y., believes there up
to 1,200 real, blood-sucking vampires worldwide, some 300 in
North America and 10 or 12 in Michigan, the paper reported.
Spokesman Joel Martin says: "I'm not saying Grand Rapids is
a hick town, but it's small enough that it's hard to find other
members of this subculture. (But) if you can't find a vampire
in Los Angeles, my God, something's wrong with you."

FORT COLLINS, Colo. - As if teenagers weren't branded enough
these days as being degenerate and stupid with stories about
Jackass stunts gone wrong. This time, charges have been filed
against a Colorado teenager accused of attacking bicyclists.
Termed "bicycle boxing," the teen and a couple of friends would
drive behind unsuspecting bicyclists and hit them with a base-
ball bat. Authorities said a 17-year-old boy has been charged
with second-degree assault, reckless endangerment and underage
consumption of alcohol. Hopefully he can be sent to big boy
jail where he gets to play another fun game called "Hide the
Prison Sausage".

ENGLAND - If you just so happen to catch yourself a painful
case of hemorrhoids, one way not recommended by physicians
to relieve the itching is by sticking a toothbrush up there.
A 69-year-old man thought that shoving the bristly appendage
up his rectum would soothe his pain. Unfortunately, what
resulted was a trip to the hospital and a procedure involving
biopsy forceps after x-rays revealed that the toothbrush had
become stuck in the man's pelvis. So remember: Brushing
regularly will prevent cavities, but brushing anal cavities
will cause irregularities.

MICHIGAN - Many will agree that the punishment should always
fit the crime. However, it's a nice consolation when the names
fits instead. Shuo-Shan Wang is heading to court after he
botched a voluntary castration on his kitchen table. Wang per-
formed the procedure on a 48-year-old man who requested the
services of the unlicensed surgeon. Police said the castrated
man began bleeding uncontrollably, his jeans completely soaked
as he sat on a curb. They later found the man's testicles in
a jar in Wang's refrigerator. In this case, should the punish-
ment fit the crime, the prison system will have one Wang with
no balls.

There are 318,979,564,000 possible ways of playing just
the first four moves on each side in a game of chess.

In the 1970 Census, the U.S. had 2,983 men who were already
widowers at the age of foureen and 289 women, also at four-
teen, who had already been widowed or divorced.

The second moste numerous of living things are mollusks -
soft bodied animals with hard shells.

The total population of the Earth at the time of Julius
Caesar was 150 million. The total population increase in
two years on Earth today is 150 million.

People who have never married are 7.5 times more likely to
be hospitalized in a state or community psychiatric facil-
ity than those who married.

[Thanks to Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts]

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