[From MAD Magazine]

Occult-Vegetarian-Ambidextrous-Truck-driving Republican juggler wishes to meet woman of similar interests.

Undercover Espionage Agent - 29 - would like to meet nice woman 18-30 for romantic, lasting relationship. Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.

Handsom, but not wealthy gentleman can only afford a 5 line personal add. I'm a smart good-looking nice guy who'd like to meet pretty, sensitive woman. call me at...

Idiots need love too - If you enjoy walking into movies after they've started, throwing out good furniture and locking your friends in closets, we already have three things in common! Let's get together and find out how many other
negative personality traits we share.

Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money. If you're not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was repossessed.

Compulsive Liar - Seeks beautiful woman to share my million dollar chateau on the French Riveria.

Man, Nonsmoking, Nondrinking, Noneating, Nonbreathing. Actually, I'm dead. I need someone to bury me.

Seeks SWF to tell me what SWF means.

Large Woman Seeks Larger Man - So I will look smaller in comparison. Photos a must.