Teacher Joby McGowan is fed up with unrealistic parents who are quick to accuse him of outrageous things - such as one parent who claimed he caused a tumor in her second-grader's brain by using a timer in class. Or another who said that, at 6 feet 6 inches, he was "too tall" to teach little kids. After collecting countless snipes from parents, McGowan has published a book, Teaching on Poverty Rock, a sarcastic and self-critical saga about his first year in the district. It was published in March and this month surfaced on Amazon.de for $14.95 (EUR 12,95) each. This year, long before they knew a tell-all book was coming, 24 sets of parents have advocated for their kids in a spirit of respect and cooperation. And not once has McGowan been accused of causing cancer or criticized for being too tall.
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An Italian stripper, Gina Lalapola, was found dead inside a cake she was supposed to leap from at a bachelor party in Cosenza in 1995. She had suffocated inside the sealed wooden cake.
The Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones once admitted ejaculating into a French bread roll and feeding it to fellow band member Glen Matlock as mayonnaise.
In 1997 a couple from Carlisle, Craig Wilde and Simone Rooney, found a six-inch bloodstained hypodermic needle inside a half-eaten loaf purchased from a local supermarket.
German scientists involved in car safety research at the University of Heidelberg routinely use human crash test dummies, including the corpses of children.
When the mistress of the nineteenth-century French novelist Eugene Sue died, she willed him her skin, with instructions that he should bind a book with it. He did.
The holy Roman Emperor Henry VI liked to cheer up his troops by having nuns stripped, then smeared with honey, then decorated with feathers and sent on horseback through the ranks of cheering men.
A man from Silver Spring, Maryland became infected with rabies in 1996 and admitted to having sex with a diseased raccoon. He was charged with animal cruelty.
Middle Eastern cave paintings reveal that men once believed sex with female crocodiles would bring success in life.
The Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones once admitted ejaculating into a French bread roll and feeding it to fellow band member Glen Matlock as mayonnaise.
In 1997 a couple from Carlisle, Craig Wilde and Simone Rooney, found a six-inch bloodstained hypodermic needle inside a half-eaten loaf purchased from a local supermarket.
German scientists involved in car safety research at the University of Heidelberg routinely use human crash test dummies, including the corpses of children.
When the mistress of the nineteenth-century French novelist Eugene Sue died, she willed him her skin, with instructions that he should bind a book with it. He did.
The holy Roman Emperor Henry VI liked to cheer up his troops by having nuns stripped, then smeared with honey, then decorated with feathers and sent on horseback through the ranks of cheering men.
A man from Silver Spring, Maryland became infected with rabies in 1996 and admitted to having sex with a diseased raccoon. He was charged with animal cruelty.
Middle Eastern cave paintings reveal that men once believed sex with female crocodiles would bring success in life.
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The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly.
There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
Where there’s a will, I’m in the way.
If this sticker is getting smaller, the light is probably green.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
Before giving someone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare!
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
Condoms are easier to change than diapers!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Sex is a misdemeanor...the more I miss it, the meaner I get!
There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
Where there’s a will, I’m in the way.
If this sticker is getting smaller, the light is probably green.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
Before giving someone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare!
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
Condoms are easier to change than diapers!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Sex is a misdemeanor...the more I miss it, the meaner I get!
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When antelopes become excited and leap vertically into the air, it is called "pronking."
The average human bladder can hold 13 ounces of fluid.
There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of the Empire State building.
When in the shower, 75 percent of people wash from top to bottom.
In poker, a pair of Queens is also referred to as a "Seigfried & Roy."
The average American looks at eight houses before buying one.
The army controlled by the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz were called the Winkies.
The average American has $104 in their wallet.
The foreign city Americans visit most is Tijuana.
The average human bladder can hold 13 ounces of fluid.
There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of the Empire State building.
When in the shower, 75 percent of people wash from top to bottom.
In poker, a pair of Queens is also referred to as a "Seigfried & Roy."
The average American looks at eight houses before buying one.
The army controlled by the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz were called the Winkies.
The average American has $104 in their wallet.
The foreign city Americans visit most is Tijuana.
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[Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show "Family Feud."]
Q: Name something a blind person might use:
A: A sword.
Q: Name a song with moon in the title:
A: Blue Suede Moon.
Q: Name a bird with a long neck:
A: A penguin.
Q: Name an occupation where you need a torch:
A: A burglar.
Q: Name something you wear on the beach:
A: A deck chair.
Q: Name something red:
A: My cardigan.
Q: Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers:
A: A horse.
Q: Name a number you have to memorize:
A: Seven.
Q: Name something you put on walls:
A: Roofs.
Q: Name something that doesn't have an engine:
A: Dishes.
Q: Name something you might be allergic to:
A: Skiing.
Q: Name a non-living object with legs:
A: A plant.
Q: Name a part of the body beginning with "n":
A: Knee.
Q: Name something a blind person might use:
A: A sword.
Q: Name a song with moon in the title:
A: Blue Suede Moon.
Q: Name a bird with a long neck:
A: A penguin.
Q: Name an occupation where you need a torch:
A: A burglar.
Q: Name something you wear on the beach:
A: A deck chair.
Q: Name something red:
A: My cardigan.
Q: Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers:
A: A horse.
Q: Name a number you have to memorize:
A: Seven.
Q: Name something you put on walls:
A: Roofs.
Q: Name something that doesn't have an engine:
A: Dishes.
Q: Name something you might be allergic to:
A: Skiing.
Q: Name a non-living object with legs:
A: A plant.
Q: Name a part of the body beginning with "n":
A: Knee.
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There is no evidence that Betsy Ross sewed the first U.S. flag. The story didn't even flutter forth from her relatives until 1870.
George Washington did not toss a dollar across the Potomac. Even if he did toss something, the dollar didn't come into being until after the U.S. gained independence.
Francis Scott Key did not write our national anthem. He penned the words then set them to an old English drinking song. It did not become our national anthem until 1931.
Most of the midnight ride of Paul Revere was accomplished by other horsemen. It was Samuel Prescott, in fact, who carried the warning to Concord.
The Declaration of Independence was not approved on July 4, 1776. Only John Hancock, for the assembly, signed it that day. The other signatures were made on August 2.
George Washington wasn't the first U.S. President. John Hanson was the president of the Congress of the Confederation and carried the title of president of the U.S., as did eight men after him.
"Yankee Doodle" is not an American song. It was a British ditty designed to harass ragtag colonists during the French and Indian War.
George Washington did not toss a dollar across the Potomac. Even if he did toss something, the dollar didn't come into being until after the U.S. gained independence.
Francis Scott Key did not write our national anthem. He penned the words then set them to an old English drinking song. It did not become our national anthem until 1931.
Most of the midnight ride of Paul Revere was accomplished by other horsemen. It was Samuel Prescott, in fact, who carried the warning to Concord.
The Declaration of Independence was not approved on July 4, 1776. Only John Hancock, for the assembly, signed it that day. The other signatures were made on August 2.
George Washington wasn't the first U.S. President. John Hanson was the president of the Congress of the Confederation and carried the title of president of the U.S., as did eight men after him.
"Yankee Doodle" is not an American song. It was a British ditty designed to harass ragtag colonists during the French and Indian War.
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July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day
July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day
July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day
July 8 is Video Games Day
July 14 is National Nude Day
July 16 is International Juggling Day
July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day
July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day
July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day
July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
[For the rest of the list go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]
July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day
July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day
July 8 is Video Games Day
July 14 is National Nude Day
July 16 is International Juggling Day
July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day
July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day
July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day
July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
[For the rest of the list go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]
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[Taken From the MIT Course Evaluation Guide]
"This class was a religious experience for me. I had to take it all on faith."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course. I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
"Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions-- no way to stop it."
"Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."
"This class was a religious experience for me. I had to take it all on faith."
"I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels They've got a cool nest in the tree."
"This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"TA steadily improved throughout the course. I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
"Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
"Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions-- no way to stop it."
"Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
"The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
"Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."
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Here are some of the questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
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[courtesy of netscape.com]
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Our church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
On a church bulletin during a minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national prayer and fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Barbara's in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Our church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
On a church bulletin during a minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national prayer and fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Barbara's in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
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"He makes George Bush seem like a personality" - Jackie Mason on John Major.
"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing" - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee.
"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it." - A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
"He could not see a belt without hitting below it." - Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.
"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge." - U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.
"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." - U.S. writer Norman Cousins.
"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." - former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus." - Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.
"Harry Truman proves that old adage that any man can become President of the United States." - U.S. politician Norman Thomas.
"A shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Harold Wilson on Edward Heath.
"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing" - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee.
"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it." - A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
"He could not see a belt without hitting below it." - Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.
"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge." - U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.
"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." - U.S. writer Norman Cousins.
"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." - former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus." - Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.
"Harry Truman proves that old adage that any man can become President of the United States." - U.S. politician Norman Thomas.
"A shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Harold Wilson on Edward Heath.
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The Loving Cup bra of 1979 featured a tiny electronic circuit which signaled when it was safe for sex. Its lights flashed red or green indicating whether sex could result in pregnancy.
In 1992, a Somerset man created a water-filled double-D cup bra. He said that the wearer should add wallpaper paste for an even firmer frontage.
A new bra on the market was made of hologrammatic fibers, the surface of which creates a 3D impression to make the breasts appear a better shape.
Designer Andre Van Pier created a bra that was adorned with 3,250 diamonds.
Madonna's famous 'Bullet Bra,' worn during her Blonde Ambition tour of 1990, was based on an antique breastplate worn by Italian soldiers.
There are also plans to introduce a mirrored bra and one filled with insect repellent to keep pesky mosquitoes at bay.
From Paris in the 1980s came the Joli'bust, a self-adhesive bra consisting of nothing more than two shaped pieces of sticky plastic fixed beneath the breasts to show off the curves.
In 1992, a Somerset man created a water-filled double-D cup bra. He said that the wearer should add wallpaper paste for an even firmer frontage.
A new bra on the market was made of hologrammatic fibers, the surface of which creates a 3D impression to make the breasts appear a better shape.
Designer Andre Van Pier created a bra that was adorned with 3,250 diamonds.
Madonna's famous 'Bullet Bra,' worn during her Blonde Ambition tour of 1990, was based on an antique breastplate worn by Italian soldiers.
There are also plans to introduce a mirrored bra and one filled with insect repellent to keep pesky mosquitoes at bay.
From Paris in the 1980s came the Joli'bust, a self-adhesive bra consisting of nothing more than two shaped pieces of sticky plastic fixed beneath the breasts to show off the curves.
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June 4 is Old Maid's Day
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
June 18 is International Panic Day
June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day
June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day
June 29 is Camera Day
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
June 18 is International Panic Day
June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day
June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day
June 29 is Camera Day
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February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 13 is Get A Different Name Day
February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 27 is International Polar Bear Day
February 28 is Public Sleeping Day
For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 13 is Get A Different Name Day
February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 27 is International Polar Bear Day
February 28 is Public Sleeping Day
For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com
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Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef, $2.25; Children, $2.00.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- eight puppies from a German Shepard and an Alaskan Hussy.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit one.
For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Christmas-tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef, $2.25; Children, $2.00.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- eight puppies from a German Shepard and an Alaskan Hussy.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit one.
For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Christmas-tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
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bizzare
In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
A doctor's office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
On a menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
Ad for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass?
In a Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
A temple in Bangkok: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
Car rental brochure in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
A doctor's office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
On a menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
Ad for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass?
In a Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
A temple in Bangkok: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
Car rental brochure in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
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bizzare
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Expert Says School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarians Take Over
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved Ones
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Expert Says School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarians Take Over
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved Ones
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
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bizzare
BERLIN - The peace in Berlin has been disturbed by a German couple who set up a loudspeaker and timer with the sound of a crowing cock to blast their neighbors every morning. However, the couple didn't have to listen to the daily crowing because they went on vacation! After receiving complaints, police obtained a warrant to enter the house and found the gear with the speakers aimed at the neighbors and rigged to a timer. "The apparatus switched on between 2 and 4 o'clock in the morning and produced a cock crowing at an enormous volume. This would last for 20 minutes with breaks in between," police said. When the couple returns home, they'll find their equipment gone and that a charge of bodily harm and disturbing the peace has been issued to them.
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bizzare
You can never depend on the postal service to deliver anything on time. A German postal staff, however, has seen to it that a postcard addressed to Adolf Hitler has arrived at its destination, despite the Nazi leader being dead for 60 years. The postcard, sent from England, was addressed to "Fuehrer Adolf Hitler, Reichstag, German Parliament, Berlin, Germany", from an undisclosed address. Deutsche Post wrote on the card that the address was wrong and the sender should be informed. The letter was stamped with, "Mail corrected due to insufficient address - please alert sender. Ascertained address: Deutsche Bundestag, 11011 Berlin." The post office claims the delivery of the postcard is evidence of the service's good work.
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humor
[From MAD Magazine]
Occult-Vegetarian-Ambidextrous-Truck-driving Republican juggler wishes to meet woman of similar interests.
Undercover Espionage Agent - 29 - would like to meet nice woman 18-30 for romantic, lasting relationship. Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.
Handsom, but not wealthy gentleman can only afford a 5 line personal add. I'm a smart good-looking nice guy who'd like to meet pretty, sensitive woman. call me at...
Idiots need love too - If you enjoy walking into movies after they've started, throwing out good furniture and locking your friends in closets, we already have three things in common! Let's get together and find out how many other
negative personality traits we share.
Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money. If you're not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was repossessed.
Compulsive Liar - Seeks beautiful woman to share my million dollar chateau on the French Riveria.
Man, Nonsmoking, Nondrinking, Noneating, Nonbreathing. Actually, I'm dead. I need someone to bury me.
Seeks SWF to tell me what SWF means.
Large Woman Seeks Larger Man - So I will look smaller in comparison. Photos a must.
Occult-Vegetarian-Ambidextrous-Truck-driving Republican juggler wishes to meet woman of similar interests.
Undercover Espionage Agent - 29 - would like to meet nice woman 18-30 for romantic, lasting relationship. Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.
Handsom, but not wealthy gentleman can only afford a 5 line personal add. I'm a smart good-looking nice guy who'd like to meet pretty, sensitive woman. call me at...
Idiots need love too - If you enjoy walking into movies after they've started, throwing out good furniture and locking your friends in closets, we already have three things in common! Let's get together and find out how many other
negative personality traits we share.
Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money. If you're not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was repossessed.
Compulsive Liar - Seeks beautiful woman to share my million dollar chateau on the French Riveria.
Man, Nonsmoking, Nondrinking, Noneating, Nonbreathing. Actually, I'm dead. I need someone to bury me.
Seeks SWF to tell me what SWF means.
Large Woman Seeks Larger Man - So I will look smaller in comparison. Photos a must.
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bizzare
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in Mary and still smelled pretty good. However, they were starting to smell, which is why brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Baths consisted of a big tub of hot water. The man of the house had the nice clean water, then, all the other sons and men, then the women and, finally, the children. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it - hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."
Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats, and other small animals lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slide off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. Bugs and other droppings could really mess up your clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
Sometimes folks could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. The person would be laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would
gather around and wait to see if he or she would wake up - hence the custom of holding a "wake."
Baths consisted of a big tub of hot water. The man of the house had the nice clean water, then, all the other sons and men, then the women and, finally, the children. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it - hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."
Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats, and other small animals lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slide off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. Bugs and other droppings could really mess up your clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
Sometimes folks could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. The person would be laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would
gather around and wait to see if he or she would wake up - hence the custom of holding a "wake."
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bizzare
A couple of San Francisco teenagers thought the perfect present for one of their girlfriends would be a pair of koala bears. The duo visited the San Francisco Zoo afterhours and snatched the creatures. Unfortunately, the girl
didn't find the snarling pets to be charming and the boys had to bring the koalas back to one of their homes. They put the koalas in a tub filled with carrots, oranges and leaves, but the malnourished marsupials started to die.
Acting on an anonymous tip, authorities busted the teens.
After stealing hedgehogs from a pet store in Loveland, Colorado, Raymond Martin, 18, and Wayne Ballew, 19, spent the next few months trying to unload six of the hedgehogs. However, disaster struck when Martin was pulled over for speeding and the police found a box containing the vermin. Martin gave in during questioning, admitting to the hedgehog heist and ratting out his friend. "The moral is: Don’t take stolen hedgehogs out for a late-night ride and speed," said police Lt. Al Sharon.
It's not uncommon to steal a few things from the office every so often. However, it is a problem if you're a coroner's assistant. Jurek Ladziak's line of work allowed him to obtain a collection that included a skull, body parts
and a number of ID cards of the dead. After Ladziak assembled his work, he decorated his warehouse-apartment to resemble a warehouse-morgue. Someone tipped off police to his dungeon of death, and Ludziak was hauled in on charges of possession of stolen property.
Dog owner Mrs. Hollis Sharpe was taking her poodle, Jonathan, for an evening walk in Los Angeles when she was jumped from behind. The mugger grabbed Sharpe's plastic bag and shoved her to the ground so hard that she broke her arm. He then took off with his prize: a big bag of dog poop. "I wish there had been a little more in the bag," said a charitable Sharpe.
Toilet troubles hit NYC residents in 1991 when a felon made off with 109 toilet bowl handles. The crafty thief even separated a handle from the toilet just down the hall from then-mayor David Dinkins' office in City Hall. Here's hoping the robber wasn't hoping to make much off the handles. "There’s a little brass in there," noted Lisa Ryan, then-spokesperson for the New York City Department of General Services. "Maybe he’s refurbishing and reselling them-I don’t know why anyone would want them."
Missouri man Michael Marcum, stole six 350-pound electrical transformers from a power company in January 1995. His motive? To construct a time machine so he could send himself a few days into the future, find out the winning lottery numbers and then come back to buy the matching tickets. Police discovered one of the transformers during a search of Marcum's home on an unrelated vandalism investigation. The cops noticed that Marcum had plugged one of the transformers into his fuse box. An antenna was attached to the top, with a visible electrical current arcing from one rabbit ear to
the other.
didn't find the snarling pets to be charming and the boys had to bring the koalas back to one of their homes. They put the koalas in a tub filled with carrots, oranges and leaves, but the malnourished marsupials started to die.
Acting on an anonymous tip, authorities busted the teens.
After stealing hedgehogs from a pet store in Loveland, Colorado, Raymond Martin, 18, and Wayne Ballew, 19, spent the next few months trying to unload six of the hedgehogs. However, disaster struck when Martin was pulled over for speeding and the police found a box containing the vermin. Martin gave in during questioning, admitting to the hedgehog heist and ratting out his friend. "The moral is: Don’t take stolen hedgehogs out for a late-night ride and speed," said police Lt. Al Sharon.
It's not uncommon to steal a few things from the office every so often. However, it is a problem if you're a coroner's assistant. Jurek Ladziak's line of work allowed him to obtain a collection that included a skull, body parts
and a number of ID cards of the dead. After Ladziak assembled his work, he decorated his warehouse-apartment to resemble a warehouse-morgue. Someone tipped off police to his dungeon of death, and Ludziak was hauled in on charges of possession of stolen property.
Dog owner Mrs. Hollis Sharpe was taking her poodle, Jonathan, for an evening walk in Los Angeles when she was jumped from behind. The mugger grabbed Sharpe's plastic bag and shoved her to the ground so hard that she broke her arm. He then took off with his prize: a big bag of dog poop. "I wish there had been a little more in the bag," said a charitable Sharpe.
Toilet troubles hit NYC residents in 1991 when a felon made off with 109 toilet bowl handles. The crafty thief even separated a handle from the toilet just down the hall from then-mayor David Dinkins' office in City Hall. Here's hoping the robber wasn't hoping to make much off the handles. "There’s a little brass in there," noted Lisa Ryan, then-spokesperson for the New York City Department of General Services. "Maybe he’s refurbishing and reselling them-I don’t know why anyone would want them."
Missouri man Michael Marcum, stole six 350-pound electrical transformers from a power company in January 1995. His motive? To construct a time machine so he could send himself a few days into the future, find out the winning lottery numbers and then come back to buy the matching tickets. Police discovered one of the transformers during a search of Marcum's home on an unrelated vandalism investigation. The cops noticed that Marcum had plugged one of the transformers into his fuse box. An antenna was attached to the top, with a visible electrical current arcing from one rabbit ear to
the other.
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holidays
March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day
March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day
March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day
March 22 is National Goof-off Day
March 27 is National "Joe" Day
March 28 is Something On A Stick Day
March 30 is I Am In Control Day
[For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day
March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day
March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day
March 22 is National Goof-off Day
March 27 is National "Joe" Day
March 28 is Something On A Stick Day
March 30 is I Am In Control Day
[For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com]
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bizzare
PITTSBURGH, Pa. - How do you explain this one to your parents? A 17-year-old girl was engaging in some obviously bizarre "bedroom activities" when she was accidentally shot by her boyfriend. She was wounded in the groin when she received a bullet from the .45-caliber handgun and had to be taken to the hospital. Her boyfriend, Timothy Madden, 23, was charged with aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and corruption of a minor. The incident occurred on Sunday afternoon at Madden's apartment. "They were engaged in some bizarre activities in his bedroom," Ross senior detective and public information officer William Barrett said. "The gun, we believe, accidentally discharged."
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bizzare
Rowel: the revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs
Columella: the bottom part of the nose that separates the nostrils
Saddle: the rounded part on the top of a book of matches
Ophyron: the space between your eyebrows
Rasceta: the creases on the inside of your wrist
Purlicue: the space between the extended thumb and index finger
Nittles: the punctuation marks designed to denote swear words in comics
Ferrule: the metal band on the top of a pencil that holds the eraser in place
Peen: on a hammer, the end opposite the striking face
Obdormition: when an arm or a leg "goes to sleep" as a result of numbness caused by pressure on a nerve
Keeper: the loop on a belt that holds the end in place after it has passed through the buckle
Armsate: the hole in a shirt or a sweater through which you put your hand and arm
Columella: the bottom part of the nose that separates the nostrils
Saddle: the rounded part on the top of a book of matches
Ophyron: the space between your eyebrows
Rasceta: the creases on the inside of your wrist
Purlicue: the space between the extended thumb and index finger
Nittles: the punctuation marks designed to denote swear words in comics
Ferrule: the metal band on the top of a pencil that holds the eraser in place
Peen: on a hammer, the end opposite the striking face
Obdormition: when an arm or a leg "goes to sleep" as a result of numbness caused by pressure on a nerve
Keeper: the loop on a belt that holds the end in place after it has passed through the buckle
Armsate: the hole in a shirt or a sweater through which you put your hand and arm
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bizzare
[I know there've been newspaper headlines before, but these are really wired!]
- Cause of AIDS Found - Scientists
- Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit
- City May Impose Mandatory Time for Prostitution
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
- Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
- Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy
- Why You Want Sex Changes With Age
- Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls
- Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets
- Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire
- Antique Stripper to Demonstrate Wares at Store
- Sudden Rush to Help People Out of Work
- Deadline Passes for Striking Police
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bizzare
As George Appel was being strapped into the electric chair, he said to the witnesses, "Well, folks, you'll soon see a baked Appel."
Before Thomas Grasso was given his lethal injection, he complained, "I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
Sir Walter Raleigh said, "So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth." And then he was beheaded.
On his way to the chair, James French said to a newspaper reporter," I have a terrific headline for you in the morning: 'French Fries.'"
Francis Crowley remarked "You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother." Then he was electrocuted.
Just before being hanged, Neville Heath's last request was for a whiskey. "In the circumstances," he added, "you might make that a double."
Said Johnny Frank Garrett before being lethally injected: "I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass."
Erskine Childers called out to the firing squad, "Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way."
Jimmy Glass said, "I'd rather be fishing." Then he was electrocuted.
As British serial killer Dr. William Palmer stood on the gallows, he asked the officials, "Are you sure this thing is safe?"
Before Thomas Grasso was given his lethal injection, he complained, "I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
Sir Walter Raleigh said, "So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth." And then he was beheaded.
On his way to the chair, James French said to a newspaper reporter," I have a terrific headline for you in the morning: 'French Fries.'"
Francis Crowley remarked "You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother." Then he was electrocuted.
Just before being hanged, Neville Heath's last request was for a whiskey. "In the circumstances," he added, "you might make that a double."
Said Johnny Frank Garrett before being lethally injected: "I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass."
Erskine Childers called out to the firing squad, "Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way."
Jimmy Glass said, "I'd rather be fishing." Then he was electrocuted.
As British serial killer Dr. William Palmer stood on the gallows, he asked the officials, "Are you sure this thing is safe?"
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daily
Richmond Null Toleranz für Jugendmode-Trends zeigen die Gesetztgeber des US-Staates Virginia:
Wer dort künftig unter tief sitztenden Hosen den Rand seiner Unterhose oder sogar String-Tanga hervorschauen lässt muss 50Dollar Starfe zahlen weil er "Unterwäsche in anzüglicher und unanständiger Weise" zeigt.
Heute in der Krone gefunden.
Wer dort künftig unter tief sitztenden Hosen den Rand seiner Unterhose oder sogar String-Tanga hervorschauen lässt muss 50Dollar Starfe zahlen weil er "Unterwäsche in anzüglicher und unanständiger Weise" zeigt.
Heute in der Krone gefunden.
daily
gefunden bei m.punkt.
Hoffentlich bringt es wirtschaftlichen Aufschwung für die Burg, den der Erhalt eines solchen Gemäuers ist ziemlich teuer.
die Burg trägt dazu bei, Burg Rapotten stein bekannter zu manchen. Zwar nur in Deutschland aber immer hin.
Hoffentlich bringt es wirtschaftlichen Aufschwung für die Burg, den der Erhalt eines solchen Gemäuers ist ziemlich teuer.
die Burg trägt dazu bei, Burg Rapotten stein bekannter zu manchen. Zwar nur in Deutschland aber immer hin.
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